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5 relations building relationships

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Building Relationships How to build your emotional bank account in your personal and professional lifeWe all want to build better relationships with people at work…
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Building Relationships How to build your emotional bank account in your personal and professional lifeWe all want to build better relationships with people at work and at home, with new acquaintances and old friendsIt is often said that theQuality of life depends on the quality of our relationshipsSo let’s introduce a way to measure the quality of your relationships:Emotional Bank AccountEmotional bank account is a metaphor for the amount of trust that exists in a relationship.It works as a regular bank account.Helping others. Sharing. Fighting difficulties together – those actions build up the trust between youWhen you help other people, when you share experiences together, you make a deposit in the bank account you have with that person. And their trust in you increases.There are though other behaviors andOther actions that reduce it drasticallyIf you don’t keep promises. Or don’t tell the truth. If you gossip. Or engage in intrigues. Those are examples of withdraws from your bank account. Trust decreases.It sounds simple. Yet, there are many challenges in building your emotional bank accountYou must have hadBig promises made ‌And those big promises‌ ended in a big painAs a result, weApproach others with suspicion.And even think‘I am better off alone’I trust no one except myself. Many people believe that they don’t need any support from others.Or (at the other end of the spectrum), we have the people who willTry to be closer to others at all costsThey even sometimes will sacrifice personal values just because craving for closeness to others so much. Sometimes, because we have been hurt before, we are afraid to build new better relationships and prefer to stick with the old ones, no matter what.Both extremes don’t work in today’s world. Now, let’s explore the science behind building relationships. And why it is difficult to build new ones.Introducing theTheory of MindYou never know the true intentions of the other person. Your mind gets all possible clues from your past experience and persons’ behavior and reputation to assess them.Read more about Theory of Mind on WikipediaSo we build aMental map of what we know about the other person OpinionsFeelingsGoalsDecisions madeKnowledgeSocial CircleMistakesExperienceAnd based on that mental map, we determineHow a person will react in a potential future situationAnd we do not evaluate only what the other person says. We consider moreWhat he does and has done beforeIn a separate presentation, we will discuss how to know which people to trust. In this presentation, we will discuss how tobe trustworthy yourself.“break the iceâ€?First of all, you have to with the other people. I.e. to let the others get to know you. And to consider trusting youSo first,Speak with others. Engage in conversations. Try to show them your true identityBy not just sharing your though and opinions, but byTell real-life stories of how you have reacted in similar situationsPeople judge your future behavior based on how you have reacted in the past. And a real story is a better way that just sharing intentions. Needless to say, thoseSmile The sincere and warm smile is the universal “languageâ€? of sharing that you are open and welcoming relationships person.Show your vulnerable sidePeople don’t trust superheroes. You have to be ready to share your emotions and fears, and be open to emotional disagreement and criticism.And lastly,Ask questions your self. Get to know the other person. ListenFind out what he or she thinks. What are his opinions and fears. What is important and what drives him or her. What are his or her stories.As you do so, you will start building a relationship. Trust is buildnot with words, but with deedsYet do not expect that people will trust you instantlyStart making small promisesAnd keep those promisesSuch acts will builds up your emotional bank accountYet, do not help only when it is easy for you.Help in a tough situations. Be there for the other in times of needAnd always try to keep difficult promises. EvenMake tough decisions and pay the price to keep the trust in a relationshipOften, you may be tempted to make a decision that maximizes your personal gain at the expense of the breaking a relationships. Those are the real tests of trusts.Such tests bring us to the last chapter – how not to break your trust ‌Because yourEmotional bank account takes years to build, and a minute to breakAnd what is more – with the internet and the social media, it is like we all live in a big village.The word of failed promises travels fastOnce your break your emotional bank account with one person, there is quite a chance that many others will know that tooSo, firstlyBe always honest and open. Always tell the truth.When we find that another person has not told the truth – we don’t trust everything else he says anymore. And we don’t trust anything he has said orAlways keep your word Treat your word as a sacred even if keeping it might not be convenient and easy for you. Thus, always think twice before giving a promise. Don’t give promises that easy, but once given – never break them.Lastly, before we wrap up, a small exerciseWhen you start your day tomorrowAssess what is the level of the emotional bank accounttowards the people in your social circleKnow that the trust goes both waysFind where there is no reciprocityPark those relationshipsSo that youOpen space to build new onesFocus your time onThe relationships that matter the most Keep those people close to you. Because you know how rare are they to find.

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