The Hegelian Triad of Capital-Family-State

A personal reflection upon todays strange local ideological landscape.
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  You might think that my own personal choice of action would be a simple as the one between the government and the private sector. My own choice in life was not that simple, but it also gives me a specific standpoint, from which to see, the choice is actually never that simple. I've got the specific problem that my own mother is a state representative. And just guess what the fuck that means in actual practice, in real, every day life. Imegine being fucking swatted with medical teams constantly, to create the illusion of me as some kind of a monster, simply because I might not follow the will of my own fucking devout Catholic mommy. Imagine escaping home simply without explaining where I'm going, only to be reported as a missing person in 20 fucking minutes, when the official, legal time-frame required for someone to gain that specific status being 48 hours. Imagine experiencing very random police brutality without actually breaking one fucking law, at least at that time. In fact, I have never, ever been a convicted felon of any kind, nor have I've been any kind of a serious delinquent either. Imagine gaining the insight into exactly all the ways in which the so-called 'private' sector of business, and how the official state representatives behave, is very strangely, but perfectly intertwined and intermixed. Imagine figuring out very early in life just how fucking often and randomly the state officials themselves brake the law without really loosing much sweat over it. Imagine your own fucking mother, simply for having her own banal status as a state representative, not even employed in one's own fucking town, always having particularly strange information access and bureaucratic and legislative power, while my word being always personally downplayed and reduced to being taken as an idiot, and so on. Imagine figuring out that one's own father, whom she had divorced a very long time ago, dies rather unexpectedly and quite prematurely, only to figure out that in some strange way, throughout the entire period just before his death, he was personally reliant on her support. That is, their relation, however twisted it might have been, has lasted long after they had officially divorced in a really bad way.  Imagine figuring out, that as her own son, you are a constant fucking target of your own mother's delusions about your own father, who had obviously been completely absent for a very, very long time, and that you have absolutely no damn power to avoid or escape it, no matter what you do. I tried literally moving, only for some strange bureaucratic procedures being triggered, usually reserved for the sudden absence of a partner, to force you to legally register your new place of living at the state. Imagine that in 99% of the cases, the entire conglomerate of state officials that have been involved throughout the years, having no fucking clue that their own actions are not simply guided by some anonymous legal-bureaucratic state apparatus, but by the very personal will of action of a very specific, single individual, who is conducting it in her very own private interests. Imagine the category of a 'mother' in a very strange way somehow becoming a legislative category itself, far from designating anything relating two private individuals within a family frame, and it's unofficial status also bearing very certain practical consequences, of very concrete state apparatus action taken against me. Imagine figuring out how these days, the way modern twins of Capital and State actually work in reality, how they exert their mutual pressure and power in an ideological way, being on a large extent dependant on the claim that you're actually just fucking paranoid and nothing else. Imagine figuring out, that the very way the process of the mechanism of paranoid thinking in an individual (everyday citizen) is actually triggered, is already a closely studied and exercised power mechanism. Imagine eventually becoming to a huge extent almost immune to the entire procedure, it losing its efficacy due to constant over-use, when you simply start working out how the entire processes really operate. Imagine being given larger sums of money by your very own parent, without any obvious reason. Imagine being completely denied access to any income whatsoever, again with no apparent reason. Imagine gaining welfare support without one's own desire or even contrary to it. Imagine it being taken away and denied later, again without any obvious reason.  Imagine being a fucking personal battlefront of petty local state politics and their interrelations throughout your entire life, for no fucking apparent reason.
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